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Tarantulas And Gun Grabbers

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April 7, 2013 in Resistance

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Recently, scientists have been stunned to discover what is most likely a new species of venomous, giant tarantula in a remote corner of northern Sri Lanka. It has caused quite a stir.

Apparently, this gentleman is not slow and lumbering like most others of its kind, but lightning fast and extremely potent. It belongs to the genus of “tiger spiders”, and prefers to dwell in the trees of old growth forests. It is distinctly colored and as big as a human face.

It is rare to find such an imposing creature at the edges of our probing awareness, yet they were there all along.

Similarly surprised, American gun owners have been shaken from their drugged-up stupor of denial, only to find a small army of government agents and enemy sympathizers eagerly marching to take their weapons. It is not a dream, and the approaching forces of gun grabbers will not melt back into obscurity without a fight.

New animal species are discovered all the time. Tyrants and the worshippers of authority, on the other hand, are nothing new. They have been lurking around since the beginnings of mankind, always watching and waiting and dying to strike. The venom drips ominously from their fangs, and they can feel the death-blow coming.

Well, not so fast. If it is a battle that you truly want, then you shall have it.

We see you quite clearly now, as your intentions are plainly obvious and no longer hidden in the shadows. We have felt you coming for centuries, and we are much more prepared than you know.

I, like many, are terrified of even the tiniest of spiders. I know that my disproportionate fear of them is largely ungrounded, but that does not put down my overwhelming urge to panic and run at every opportunity. You might think that an encounter with such an elegant horror as a giant tarantula would leave me paralyzed and huddled on the floor. But not today.

Today I am God’s own ancient tree, immovable and as resolute as any mountain.

Infringe upon my rights to keep and bear arms, and you have conjured up an entirely different beast. I am a natural force to be reckoned with, as are others so compelled to stand behind a line drawn so simply, yet so boldly, in the sand.

It is time to rip the suffocating arms of tyranny from our upturned faces. The hour is late. We must hold off the hovering monsters from the dark realms, and beat them back to the slithering viper pits and vaporous jungles from which they came.

Give me liberty or give me death, and give me a handgun to reach out and touch those who wish to offer me the latter. Like our friend the tarantula, we can deliver a most powerful wallop.

Food Freedom!, and Guns, More Guns

Michael Patrick McCarty


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