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still wondering

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October 19, 2016 in Preparedness

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Even though I don’t want her to be mad at me hopefully that’s all it is… I can’t blame her because even I’m upset with myself for not being with her sooner. I’ll be so relieved when I know that she’s alright. She’s been saying that people get what their hearts desire and how what she deserves is love…. is she talking about me? More likely it could just be a broad statement though. I do feel trapped but there’s hope for us to get away from the world. I better set a deadline to get my scientific paper done or I might never complete it. Once it gets reported on than I’ll have all of the recognition I need to schedule a business meeting and then if all goes well we’ll be good to go. I’m a little hesitant to publicize my unified theory of matter because if it’s even close to being correct it’ll have an even bigger impact than my findings on planetary formation. Reflecting on these accomplishments makes me sit back and wonder why me… I ain’t a genius but that’s what the world is going to remember me as, ranking me among the most brilliant minds of our time. I’ve already done so much I damn near intimidate myself on what’s my mind capable of.

I’m so blessed to have found her when I did… once people catch on to how successful I’ve already been it would’ve been nearly impossible for me to find love. I don’t want to be the number one sought after bachelor especially when really all they’re attracted to is the world’s endorsement. I’m laughing right now, people reading this are probably thinking that I think very highly of myself but they don’t have a fucking clue. They’re not used to someone who is soundly confident without needing the world’s validation to know the truth. If a much younger version of myself was reading this I probably would’ve thought I lost it but that little nigga was very naive and barely sophisticated at all.

Life is so much easier when you don’t care but it’s only a matter of time before that carelessness catches up to you. Being caring means you feel deeper and it’s the only way to truly be alive. I better get back to work and make history happen.

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