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I tried to let go but my heart refuses to…

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April 3, 2017 in Offbeat


Still I wake up and go to sleep with her on my mind. I ain’t even trying to think about her so often but it’s hard not to. Even in my dreams my heart protests. I had one last night where I was dating this really good chick. When we started dating I did it for the wrong reasons because I wasn’t very interested but I forget exactly what that was all about. I wasn’t trying to avoid her but I never made time to be with her. It was like the distance only made her want me more and kept her guessing. After we had been together for a week, during the end of the dream I was walking down the street and we ran into each other just outside her house. She brought me inside into her bedroom and showed me what she had been working on. She turned out to be an artist who did paintings and had been working hard on a piece of art for me. It was really well done and unique because the canvas had at least four different sides. I asked her what it all meant and she explained… it really touched me deeply. So I ended up kissing her and after a short pause we starting making out passionately. She jumped into my arms and straddled me with her legs. That caught me off guard and I stumbled backwards a little bit but she helped me regain my balance. I put her on the bed and we kept on kissing. She started taking her clothes off and that’s where the dream ended. Even by her kisses I could tell that we weren’t meant to be but her love for me made it very hard to wanna turn her away. Had me feeling very mixed up because I could tell that she loved me more than I loved her so that made myself feel like a bad dude not sure what to do. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about the woman who I’m still in love with… even though I’m uncertain if we’ll ever be together my deep feelings for her remain. I had dreamed about being with quite a few different chicks recently ever since the doubts of us arose. All I’ve learned is that none of these other women have come close. Of course they weren’t real but the love I feel for her is unlike anything I’ve felt for anyone else. I guess that’s what my dreams are telling me. I could easily love other women but so far none nearly as much as I love her. If we weren’t meant to be than there must be someone else out there yet after 27 years already I ain’t gonna bet on it. When she told me that she didn’t feel like I loved her… that was probably the biggest insult of my life. She even tried to push me away a few times. I think what is it is she’s scared of being in love with me. It makes sense why though… to her I’m little more than written words, a voice, and images. Probably due to pride I’d never go out of my way to try to be with someone who is far away but she’s the only one I’ve ever made an exception for. Only because I know my love for her is true, I’ve never felt so much love for anyone else before and there’s no one else even remotely like her. If I based my judgement of her off a profile alone than I would’ve got her all wrong. Since I’ve gotten to know her essence… could say it’s broadened my horizon of understanding. She’s really opened up my eyes to what love between man and woman is like. Well I better stop sitting around waiting for her response and try to finish my final works. I only have a few steps to take before the world is changed forever and then I’m outta here… soon to hopefully be deeply immersed in paradise with my love. Maybe that last part is just a dream but we’ll see.

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