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i.G.A.G – New Government Agency Announced

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November 10, 2012 in Activism

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The formation of a new federal agency, iGAG, which stands for Internet, Guns, Ammo, and Gold, was announced early Friday morning.The department’s main focus will be regulating, and if deemed necessary by the President, eliminating tools used by those who meet any criteria of a domestic terrorist as defined by the NDAA. As a reminder, that is anyone who stockpiles food and water or ammo, buys gold and barters, homeschools, or expresses libertarian ideas.

Armed iGAG special agents will be going door-to-door, applying content filters to all home internet connections. While there, officers will search for and catalog all firearms and gold. It has been reported that FEMA will be accompanying iGAG to inventory all food supplies for potential commandeering and redistribution during future disaster situations.

Internet kill switches will be attached to all regional servers, starting in the DC area and fanning out across the country. In the beginning, content filtering will make the internet a safer emotional place for all by eliminating any derogatory, racist, or potentially offensive words, such as ‘retard,’  from all web pages. The NAACP and Feminists United have been brought on as language consultants. No Caucasian males are on the advisory board.

iGAG will inventory all US guns and rifles prior to enactment of the UN-pressured ban on assault weapons and semi-automatic firearms. Ammunition will be limited based on household size. Citizens will be given sixty days to voluntarily surrender all illegal weapons. If they have not done so in the allotted time, National Guard units will deploy to remove any remaining weapons form the home, and indefinitely detain the owner until trial. Small pockets of militias are expected to give some resistance, but iGAG has been allotted funding for drones to quickly eliminate any threat.

Gold is also being tracked by iGAG. All gold was confiscated by the federal government in 1933 to ward off a national banking emergency. Earlier this year, Germany considered repatriating all its gold provisions, including those held in the New York branch of the privately owned Federal Reserve. By accounting for all gold held on US soil, the Obama administration can determine if a revisit of the Roosevelt plan is feasible.

Initial funding for iGAG has come from the World Bank, after considerable pressure from NATO. Congress had no say in the development of iGAG, as it came to exist by executive order, much like Nixon’s DEA. Historically, government regulatory departments have been wildly successful: the DEA is winning the War on Drugs, the ATF ran the triumphant Fast and Furious program, and the TSA graciously respects travelers’ privacy. I’m sure we’ll see nothing but good deeds from iGAG. Some might argue that iGAG erases our constitutional rights. But the Constitution is really old, and doesn’t apply to modern day life. I am confident that our current government knows best, and that it will take care of us all.


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7 responses to i.G.A.G – New Government Agency Announced

  1. great piece of writing there! you’re pretty good!

    ………”But the Constitution is really old, and doesn’t apply to modern day life”

    Sadly, many actually believe that statement and for that, they are traitors and should move to England where they belong =D

  2. Where was this announced and by whom?

    • This was announced yesterday morning in my living room by my brain. It’s a satire piece. But if we’re not careful, it’s something we could be reading from the major media very soon. Did you not read the whole thing? Who would be on this website applauding the TSA and saying that government knows best? Come on. Pay attention.

  3. Why don’t they just ban fun?

  4. LMAO….IGAG!!!!!! haha…….:D

  5. I hate to say it, but, we actually deserve this shit……If we are DUMB ENOUGH to let all this happen…shame on us…

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